Memorial Day is emotional for me. It’s been several years since I took off the uniform, but it feels like yesterday that I was sleeping in a hammock on a tanker, or sitting in the back of a chopper racing through the countryside, or in Thailand firing rounds next to our overseas partners. I stand here today as one of the lucky ones. I lost friends in combat operations, as did some of you. I saw other friends come back from overseas changed, having seen and heard and experienced things no one should have to see, and hear, and experience. That is my Memorial Day, and you have yours, and we gather to hold space for all of it.
The purpose of Memorial Day is to bring Americans together to remember, to bridge our many cultural and social and partisan divides to be undivided people, if for only 24 hours. Memorial Day is a day of unity and peace, but as is so often with peace, it was born of war.
The first Memorial Day came in the wake of our civil war over 150 years ago. Memorial Day was originally known as Decoration Day, a time for the nation to decorate the graves of their war heroes with flowers. Indeed, it was decided to celebrate in May in part because flowers would be in bloom across the land.
In 1868, the first formal flowers were laid at Arlington National Cemetery, where Union and Confederate graves alike were decorated. The symbolism here cannot be underestimated. The country was deeply fractured and in need of healing. Indeed, the Civil War pitted family and friends against one another – brother against brother, father against son. It’s hard to imagine this. I have three boys at home whom I love. I also love my country. May the day never come that I have to choose one over the other. May the day never come when Americans once again take up arms against one another.
As it happens, on this Memorial Day, we find ourselves once again in a time of division, and our union feels just a little too fragile. In these moments, I find it helpful to remember why I put on the uniform in the first place. For me, it’s my family, forging a better and safer future. For you veterans, take a moment and consider why you put on the unifor. Take a moment to consider how that call from a recruiter was a sacred calling grafting you into a heritage of heroes.
So, while we honor the memory of those brothers and sisters who came before us, let us also recommit ourselves to the ideals for which they fought and died. Let us continue working toward the change necessary to make this a more perfect union.
In his farewell address to the nation, Ronald Reagan said all change starts at the dinner table. So as you sit down to your Memorial Day dinner, tell your children of the importance of this day, and model for them how we can talk about hard things without hatred. In a recent USA Today poll, 83% of Americans said they get in fights with family over the holidays, and 48% of those said politics was the culprit (https://www.usatoday.com/money/blueprint/travel-insurance/holiday-traditions).
Let us instead find ways of speaking with our loved ones that understands and heals, rather than divides and hides. In my view, that is the true legacy of our military – not that we waged war, but that we ushered in peace. And maybe, just maybe, if we don’t fight with our children when we’re together, they won’t fight with one another when we’re gone.
Thank you. God bless you, and God bless this day of days.
